The triple filter speech framework

Harnessing the power of words

Aditya Sehgal

Aug 31, 2024

Consider this: the average person speaks approximately 467,200,000 words* in a lifetime and meets around 80,000 people.

Each word and interaction is a choice that contributes to a compounding impact on their relationships and reputation.

Most of these interactions will fade into obscurity unless encoded with emotion.

People always remember how you made them feel, not what you said.

The few people we remember are those who evoke a specific emotional response—whether positive or negative.

If interactions are broadly negative across many encounters, you create a compounding ripple of negativity. People might not recall the specifics, but they'll remember the dislike.

Conversely, a positive emotional impact spreads goodwill, extending far beyond you in space and time.

Every word is a choice.

The first choice is to refrain from speaking at all.

The second choice is what to say.

The words we choose to speak hold immense power; they are the building blocks of our interactions, shaping relationships, influencing perceptions, and leaving lasting impressions.

While we cannot control the words or actions of others, we absolutely can control our own.

This realization forms the foundation of the Triple Filter Framework for Speech.

The triple filter speech framework:

The framework is straightforward. Whenever you feel the urge to say anything, pause and put it through three filters:

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Is it necessary?

If it fails any of these three tests—don't say it.

If you MUST say it even when you know it is untrue, unkind or unnecessary - be sure you want to say it despite that knowledge.

Sometimes, the circumstances demand that you be unkind, but make sure you do not do it often and that the prize is worth it.

This simple yet profound framework encourages thoughtful communication, fostering positive interactions and building a solid reputation over time.

The Power of Words: More Than Just Sound

Words are not just sounds; they carry meaning and emotion. They can uplift or tear down, heal or hurt. The consequences of our words, intended or unintended, can ripple through relationships over space and time for years and decades. This realization underscores the weight of our speech and the importance of mindful communication.

Creating Positive Emotional Engagement

To foster positive emotional engagement in most interactions:

Aim to elicit a positive emotional response.
Be kind to others. Kindness often comes as a surprise, and a positive surprise is a strong emotion that encodes memory.
For more on how the brain encodes emotion, refer to my set-point framework for habit change, which explains the physiological process of how memories are encoded in our brains.

You build a positive ripple effect that enhances your reputation and relationships by consistently being kind and eliciting positive emotional responses.

Building a Reputation That Lasts

These millions of interactions, if consistent, can compound to build a strong reputation.

Using the Triple Filter Framework can guide us in this endeavour.

By ensuring our words pass through truth, kindness, and necessity filters, we become more deliberate and considerate in our communication.

This not only helps build better relationships but also establishes a lifelong reputation that will last.

Truth: The Foundation of Trust

Being truthful is the cornerstone of any meaningful relationship. Consistently speaking, the truth builds trust and credibility, essential components of a positive network. When people know you are truthful, they are more likely to trust and rely on you. This trust can open doors and create opportunities that might otherwise remain closed. It also reduces stress—your mind can be freed to process more important things rather than be cluttered by the memory of what lie you said to whom and when.

Kindness: The Bridge to Connection

Kindness in communication fosters connection and understanding. It transforms interactions from mere exchanges of information to meaningful engagements. When we speak with kindness, we create a safe space for others, encouraging openness and collaboration. This positive approach enhances relationships and contributes to a supportive and harmonious environment.

Necessity: The Key to Clarity

Before speaking, consider whether your words are necessary.

If words are not necessary, don't say them.

Get used to silence - mostly yours.

Don't rush to fill a void of silence with meaningless chatter.

This filter helps avoid unnecessary clutter in conversations and prevents misunderstandings. By focusing on what is essential, we communicate more effectively and efficiently. This clarity reduces the likelihood of conflicts and misunderstandings, paving the way for smoother interactions.

The Ripple Effect: Compounding Positive Interactions

By consistently applying the Triple Filter Framework, we create a ripple effect of positive interactions. Each thoughtful word and considerate interaction contributes to a growing reputation of integrity and respect. Over time, these interactions compound, enhancing our personal and professional lives.

Conclusion: A Framework for Lifelong Success

In conclusion, the Triple Filter Framework for Speech is more than just a guide for speaking; it is a pathway to building a fulfilling and successful life. By ensuring our words are truthful, kind, and necessary, we improve our interactions and build a reputation that endures. Remember, while words may be forgotten, the emotions they evoke remain. Let your words create ripples of positivity that resonate through time, leaving a legacy of kindness, trust, and respect.

*Based on an average of 16,000 words spoken per day, as found in a study by the University of Arizona.